Because it isn't there.|
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|Thursday, December 29th, 2005|
|Wednesday, November 30th, 2005|
|Because I haven't written in this thing in a while:
She woke in the death of another day, the last of the sunlight slowly bleeding from the sky to the east, seeping through the slot by her bed to splash gently across her eyes. Sighing, she rose to her feet. It had been a good sleep, the first such since she had left the family a year and a day ago on her quest for the western boy, now slumbering in the dust at the entrance to the tent... fallen from his makeshift hammock again, and as usual completely oblivious to his plight. She briefly considered kicking him awake, but the elders wished to see her alone, and there was no point in spreading the misery.
She found all of her gear in the falling darkness with no difficulty. Pants, shirt, leggings, halter, soft boots, heavy boots, jacket, belts, weapons. She paused momentarily before donning the jacket, seriously considering wearing her armor to the meeting: the elders were even less pleased than usual, and at her last meeting with them the protection would have been quite handy. but this could be interpreted as an insult, and besides, she wanted to put off dealing with the changes in her body shape for as long as possible. If Jon the master crafter didn't notice a breastplate too tight and a set of greaves too long, whiskey or no, then he wasn't much of a craftsman. And he was nothing if not a craftsman.
It wasn't fair, really. She had maintained her regimens precisely, regulated her diet as best she could, and exerted control of herself at every instant, knowing that her physical condition was directly related to her survival on her quest. And it had kept her in shape: the armor had fit perfectly just a month prior, when she had begun the long trek home. Besides, while the change in chest circumference and hip shape could be attributed to any number of hormonal difficulties, what the hell kind of condition could make a woman lose inches in height in a matter of months?
She paused briefly on the way out of the tent, gazing down at the young man. Well, not all that young, really. He was probably only a few years less than her own age. But he was pretty much helpless in his current situation, and that was what really counted. Depending on how the meeting went, there was a distict possibility that the boy would not be allowed to see the next morning.
With a shrug, she dropped a dagger point-first into the dirt by the boy's head. Let him have the option of taking his own life honorably, at least. He was an outsider, and had that option. Walking up the hill toward the meeting place, she came to the verge of wishing that she had it, too.
->Chapter 13: The Sharp and Pointy Stick of Doom
|Wednesday, October 5th, 2005|
|No power in the 'verse can stop me.
It's the best series I have ever seen on television, overall. No wonder Fox cancelled it. Good thing, though. Remember what happened when they let Buffy run for longer than a season?
Movie was good too, but for entirely different reasons.
|Friday, September 30th, 2005|
|Someone please tell the hippies to shut up.
The campus newspaper is written by a bunch of dolts, especially the damned editorials that make up 50% of the thing. Being a relatively inoffensive, conservative person, I fully expect any opinion column in any newspaper ever to disagree with me at all times. This is fine. If I couldn't tolerate difference of opinion I'd either be dead or void of originality by now. However, there are some things that piss me off to no end, so here are some ground rules.
(1) Learn how to speak the goddamned language you're using to communicate your half-baked theories. And once you've learned how to use it, word things to be more clear, not less clear. Take "war in Iraq" versus "war on Iraq". A war IN Iraq indicates that there is combat going on involving armies within the Iraqui borders. This is true enough, I guess. "War on Iraq," however, means that someone has officially declared war on the country of Iraq itself and the current ruling government therof. This is what we in the business call "complete and total bullshit" (at least for "US war on Iraq", since there's not one at present. I suppose someone else might have declard war on Iraq in general while I wasn't looking). Please, if you learn to use one preposition after 16 years of english language studies, make it this one.
(2) Don't lie to me, or at least make a vague attempt to pretend you aren't a complete moron. Today I read "[officials] have said that the situation has grown more complex, that a constitution is key to the stability of the region, that pulling out early could have disastrous consequences. We will adress these points in turn." (This was another foreign-policy rant, much as it sounds like the sex on tuesday column.) Now, I don't know what that statement implies to you guys, but to me it indicates that there should be(a) An argument supporting or rebutting the statement that the situation in question is more complex than it was initially.
(b) An argument supporting or rebutting the claim that a constitution would help ensure stability.
(c) An argument supporting or rebutting the claim that an early troop withdrawal could cause significant problems.
...if not immediately following the lead-in statement, at least somewhere in the article. But do I get any of this? No, I get 6 paragraphs of "you know, people usually don't like being invaded. I know I wouldn't." This brings me to my next point.
(3) Know how to construct an argument if you're writing a damned opinion piece. They're supposed to be persuasive, for Hooke's sake. There are two ways to go with this:
(3a) The logical argument: I know it would take time away from your busy schedule of... whatever english/journalism majors do while they're busily remaining completely ignorant of how to write, but take a course in philosophy, programming theory, or basic math and LEARN HOW TO CONSTRUCT A LOGICAL PROOF. I'll give you a hint: It involves clearly identifying your base assumptions and using cause/effect relationships to come to a conclusion. If your base assumptions need to be that the invisible pink unicorn spit up the universe after a bout of heavy drinking and then gave it life by urinating on it, fine. Any hint that you're at least aware enough of what you're saying to draw obvious conclusions from your premises would be a vast improvement over the current situation.
(3b) The Scientific argument: 40% of squirrels prefer bootlicker rum to captain morgan. A large bright light was recently seen streaking down from the sky to destroy the earth in a great puff of dust and steam. A large bright light was recently seen enveloping the believer and carting him off to heaven, eliciting sighs of relief from those of us that have been annoyed by his shit for the last 2000 years. Whatever. If it's vaguely relevant to your piece and it's an actual observed phenomenon or published analysis of scientific data, throw it in there. I won't even ask you to necessarily tie it into the logic of your piece; I doubt you'd actually be able to manage that, given the quality of your writing so far. I used to get mad about people misquoting scientific data and posting inaccurate info in newspapers, but after reading "people don't generally like to be invaded, I know I wouldn't" I've changed my mind. Go for it.
(4) Get someone else to write your paper for you. Seriously. You just suck that much. Get your roommate who at least passed grade school english once to type it up for you, or better yet, don't bother me with your crap at all. Your opinions are usually at least as poorly constructed as your articles anyhow. Here, I'll put it as nicely as I can: If your opinon were a bowl, and I were to pour soapy water through it, I would end up wading through a bubble bath.
Seriously, just give up. Maybe if all the idiots stop spamming the paper with crap that gets published just because it's in sync with the local uninformed hippie fad, then they would replace the opinion section with something cool, like a "professors telling students to go fuck themselves" section, or a political cartoon that wasn't drawn by an elephant with a black marker up its rear having an epileptic seizure atop a paper shopping bag. Yeah, I know, I give the artists for the paper too much credit. I'm a big old softie like that.
|Sunday, September 25th, 2005|
|In a uniform magnetic field, the polar vecor precesses in one of two manners
I had a rational, intelligent discussion about politics with someone today. By which I mean I
was rational and intelligent, by which I mean I decided to be polite and supress my internal sarcasm, by which I mean I said maybe two words in the entire discussion. Then she told me I 'seemed like a pretty together guy'.
Man, I guess I was sicker than I thought. I used to be able to offend anyone with a whiff of ideology just by walking into a room.
|Tuesday, September 13th, 2005|
|Thursday, August 18th, 2005|
|Once a guy stood all day shaking bugs from his hair.
I have, despite my best efforts, grown up. No longer can transcend the limits of ordinary humanity, I am now chained to this existence by firm bonds of maturity and tact.
This, I'm sure, happens to everyone at some point, the forging, this shaping of a human being from a well of undefined potential. And with it comes all manner of trials unique to person and situation: the last quiver of uniqueness, this unique conversion of a disparate kind into dull homogenaeity. My particular torment in this process is perception: I see the last brilliant flashes as a million scattering ghost-lights spark their one last newness and then die into soft ash, all floating in the same direction.
Being a pessimist, I can't think of the direction of the dark flow as anyhing but downward.
I suppose a normal person would regret this perception, but the first essential lie is that truth has value. It's part of the less important lie of value itself. The fact that I can make a statement devaluing value itself requires some further thought, so I'll just stop writing now. I might continue this later, or I might not. If anyone's listening, I can't help but wonder why.
|Sunday, July 31st, 2005|
Ive lost my ability to write. Damn you all!
|Saturday, July 30th, 2005|
| the Prankster |
(43% dark, 21% spontaneous, 27% vulgar)
| your humor style: |
CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT
Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You're not
pretentious, but neither are you into what some would call 'low humor'.
You'd laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something
clever to something moist.
probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it's highly
likely you've tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways,
yours is the most entertaining type of humor.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O'Brian - Ashton Kutcher
| My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: |
|You scored higher than 20% on dark|
|You scored higher than 1% on spontaneous|
|You scored higher than 35% on vulgar|
And now everyone who knows what a cunning, evil bastard I am can take a good laugh at the internet for failing to pin me once again. Well played, internet, you look the fool again!
|Friday, July 22nd, 2005|
The twitching has seized my fingers, but no way am I competent to write in my stories at the moment, so I shall scrawl my shattered ramblings across the broken face of the magnetic world instead.
I think I've finally broken down a sort of barrier and become, at last, completely useless. I do nothing all day. Nothing at all. I should probably feel some emotion about this, but I don't do that either. you'd think I'd at least be hungry, what with being broke and all, but no, not that, either. I don't really feel a need to do anything, to respond to the animal passions or the human ones, the ingrained of chemistry or training. I would say it wasn't worth the effort, but I'm not really assigning values to anything either. I can't even muster the apathy to be goodheartedly apathetic as usual.
Teh radio cycles endlessly, despite the fact that you'd think an internet randomizer would have a fairly large database of songs to draw on. Or maybe the Beatles actually only wrote two songs, and I was just dreaming the rest of them up. I suppose there won't be much in the way of difference sparked by them anyhow. My roommate is comatose and I am, as I have mentioned, immobile as a great stone. Actually, probably more immobile, given the area's predilection for earthquakes.
There should be something to motivate me. There isn't. I don't fear consequences, as indicated by the fact that I accepted a job with a single payday in the first place. I might be driven by duty, but no such bond holds me here. I have no companions, and my love of the craft is held to more esotheric applications. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the only thing that moves me is habit. Habit and a fear of boredom, but I no longer have any fear, as a fear is just a desire with a twitch.
This, I suppose, is something approximating the nirvana which some losers seek. I would make a moral judgement here, but then, I wont. I feel no need to judge.
Class signups start today. Ah, there, then, is a brief motivation.
|Monday, June 20th, 2005|
Things that have happened since the last post:
New understading of the depths to which a human soul can sink as the result of simple boredom.
Complete apathetic swamping of all things emotional. Haven't even had a good crush in months.
Down to one bottle of bourbon.
I sometimes loathe the summer. Then again, I get to sleep a lot and play with expensive equipment and giant magnets.
|Wednesday, April 20th, 2005|
|and, by opposing...
What, exactly, is my problem?
I should register WhatIsDeblinsProblem.com and accept wagers. 10:1 on "inverse relationship of happiness and productivity paired with cause-effect dependence in the macroscale"
|Thursday, April 14th, 2005|
|And every fair from fair sometimes declines.
Existence is futile.
Ooh, a pun. I'm a regular shakespeare now, man.
Hung out with the Christian group again for a couple hours today. It appears that none of them actually gives a damn. As a man who lives with conviction at all times, I find this actually rather pitiful. I think they wondered why I didn't mock them tonight; perhaps they were under the impression I had converted or something. None of them know me well enough to know that it merely signalled the death of the last scrap of respect I had for the group in general.
People with real conviction seem to be a dead race. We're too damned conflict-avoidant these days. Who cares if we all have peace if we accomplish nothing?
Well, at least one person gets it. He's currently the nominal head of the american state, elected on the principle that strong steps are preferable to stagnation, even if those steps aren't particularly well-directed or even consistent with the majority's morality. Having a set of decidedly shadowed moral imperatives myself, I don't have the luxury of respecting only those that agree with me like the average run of humanity (there aren't enough of them). Thus, I must instead direct that respect toward those that pursue their own goals with honor and valour, my revered opponents, as it were.
It's a twisted sort of love, but it's what I've got.
On a side note, "christian rock" still pretty much sucks. (woot! more references to half-remembered historical sexual politics!)
|Tuesday, April 5th, 2005|
|Saturday, March 26th, 2005|
|As such it is with you, my lord.
We have, this eve, come upon further evidence that the tribes of man have failed, in the form of an online quiz:
| You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.|
Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com
Complete crap. As I'm currently rather bored, instead of just allowing the normal "duh, it's an online quiz" to suffice, I think I'll dissect this thing and have myself a little augury party.
Where to start? Ah, yes. The basic premise:
It comes in two parts: firstly, the assumption that an attempt to take existing beliefs and match them to a single school of thought rather than the entire spectrum of established moral schools is somehow beneficial. This runs counter to historical experience, for it is in focusing on certain lines of moral thought and thus neglecting others that most of the movements modern culture disapproves were born. We call this kind of thing fanatacism and regard it as a mental defect in its stronger forms, so why should we take the opposite stance on its weaker forms?
Secondly, once we have so neatly filed our school of thought, the assumption is then that we should "stick with it". This fits with the assumption of civillization that specialization is always beneficial. So, if the point of religion was to build a working infrastructure, I'd say 'go for it'. The point of religion, however, is to uncover a universal morality, the plan which everyone should follow regardless of what their particular insanities tend toward. It is, for lack of better words, to discover what is right, not what we agree with. To this end, would it not be better to look into those lines of thought which do not match your own, rather than converting just so that you don't have to overly strain your poor brain cells with new ideas?
Philosophical differences aside, there are also objections to the way the test is executed:
1) Around a quarter of the test is spent on questions that are basically rewordings of "Are you a Christian?" Most of the rest is wasted on hot-button issues that formed modern christianity, and thus boils down to the same thing. The problem here is that already being a christian will unfairly tip the results in favor of Christianity being the "right religion". Same for simply being raised in a western household with basic knowledge of european history. I counted only two similarly leading questions for Islam, one for Judaism.
2) Over 9/10 questions were answered in the neutral. I either did not know, did not care, or felt the question was worded so poorly that either answer would be horribly misinterpreted. On some questions, I felt that answering a question at all resulted in an implicit misrepresentation of my biases. Wait, I mean "beliefs", that's the politically correct term these days, no? Anyhow, you'll note that this represents an over 50% match with several religions and a heavy matchup with several others. I was not aware that not caring about most things was such a strong selling point of so many major religions.
3) The cult of satanism, a minor parasite riding the whale of christianity, is given prominent placing, while major schools of thought which have guided the actions of great masses of human beings for millenia (Daoism, the Greek or Pharaonic religions... hell, zoroastrianism still has a larger following than Satanism, and it's often considered a dead religion) aren't even mentioned. Sigh. Not to put too fine a point on it, you goddamned quiz makers can blow me. (insert rude gesture here)
4) I accomplished a tie between two religions (again, the result mostly of apathy), and was given an additional question:
Which of these statements is more correct?
The rest of the question was irrelevant. The point is, when you see a phrase like "more correct", you know that it's time to back out, because the interpreter of your data is either a complete moron or using an entirely different version of the english language than the rest of us. On the planet I'm from, "correct" is a binary term: things are correct, or they are not correct (or perhaps they are neither, in which case correctness cannot actually be assigned at all). "More correct", implying a continuum of values between, simply doesn't work. The only way in which such a question could be workable is if I completely agreed with one of the answer choices and did not agree with any of the others (boolean math: correct = 1 > incorrect = 0). As it happened, I disagreed with both statements. I couldn't simply continue with the thing unanswered, so I picked one and went on (my solution to pretty much everything, go figure).
At this point, I would like to reiterate my previous statement about the test makers and blowing me. If you are not familiar with what this implies, I suggest you look for a treatise on basic sexual politics and dominant and submissive positions, and maybe caste mentality.
5) "It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form." I appreciate your attempt to assist my search for the true path, but that's not a sentence. If someone is going to attempt to help me toward salvation (which is the only conclusion I can draw from the obvious bias of the test) I would appreciate it if they would learn to speak my damned language. Sentences need a verb, man. At least a little implied one? Please?
Now, of course, under normal circumstances I really wouldn't bother with this. However (1) I was bored and (2) as I was writing this, the reason became clear:
Obsession with pidgeonholing everyone into stupid little groups.
Idea that morality is a matter of confirming your own attitudes.
Complete ignorance of anything that isn't a western cultural mirror.
Assigning relative status to things which are binary (on/off).
Use of ambiguity to fake legitimacy.
Lack of proper proofreading/fact-checking.
My god... add "love of being the victim" and it's everything I hate about pop culture in this country! It's like some sort of crazy microcosm representing all of the ideas I wish I could douse in gasoline and take a match to. Must have been penned in California.
Ok, that's it for today, unless it isn't. Night night.
|Monday, March 14th, 2005|
The internet agrees: I'm an obscure semi-shinto spirit being that can't sleep. Go figure.
|Thursday, March 3rd, 2005|
|It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair
Yup, my life is just wonderful. I'm doing great in all my classes, getting enough exercise and sleep, and having loads of fun hanging out with my many friends. It's really wonderful out here, and I couldn't complain. Things looking up for the future, too, I could see myself easily getting any project on campus and spending this summer in a good internship, no problem.
Ok, I can rattle it off with a straight face now. I'm ready for my parents' visit tomorrow.
What's that? I'm a horrible, horrible person? Shut up and get me a coffee, igor.
|Friday, February 11th, 2005|
My hallucinations have a more active sex life than me. Which is odd, given how divorced from humanity he is. Unless I've been seeding the internet with disinformation in my Deblin phases... oh, right, I have. In any case, cheers.
|Friday, January 28th, 2005|
|The darkness of men's hearts.
I went Journalhopping the other day (took me 13 jumps to get to someone with no friends) and something struck me. Some people are apparrently physically unable to actually write about anything. I mean, I can see scribbling meaningless poetry or doing an emotive frame if you're a professional writer or attempting to be so, but why post it to a forum that's mostly intended for peer communication? If you're "expressing yourself", then what's the point of posting things to a forum at all? There's this nifty program called "notepad" for that.
I guess maybe they're just being really obscure to prevent outsiders from penetrating their secret meaning and finding out how trivial it is, like if i wroteThe smell of wet sheep
drifts thickly through the mist
I walk down the street.
when I intended to say, "man, I'm cold, wet, and smell bad."
The more I think about it, actually, the more I realize that some of my writing, and some of the world's mediocre (as opposed to useless) writing, exhibits this flaw. Entirely too much air in the delivery of a simple message. However, this is mostly because I like the sound of my own voice, and I'm always kind enough to provide a translation at the end, like this:Man, I'm bored.
I hope you enjoyed slogging through three paragraphs and a haiku to find that out.
(for those without an appreciation for obscure humor, the above post is itself satire.)
|Monday, January 24th, 2005|
|These are but wild and whirling words, my lord.
Right. I appear to have misplaced a portion of my soul. If anyone happens to see it lying about, I'd be most grateful for its speedy return. The computer just isn't the same.
Eh, actually, screw it, I don't care anymore. I can live in a world of grey mush as easily as I can live in the normal overly shiny one.
Cheers to you, my friend and enemy. Let us fight another day.